Last night I got very little sleep. Bean#2 woke up at 1am with a nightmare and only a cuddle with me was going to calm her down. As is often the case, she then wouldn’t get back in her cot so she snuggled up with me – I don’t know why they call it ‘co-sleeping’. She was the only one who caught any shut eye.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I felt exhausted. I looked in the mirror and I saw an old, haggard person looking back. It wasn’t me. My eyes were bleak, my hair was dull, my skin looked saggy and I was more hair than human.

So, rather than do what I had planned I did myself (not in the fun way – Bean#2 was still asleep in my bed). I washed my hair and had a shave. Then I actually blow dried my hair and straightened it, plucked my eyebrows, put on my make-up and got dressed for work.

When I dropped the beans off at nursery, one of my mum friends complemented my hair. Obvs I told her that I didn’t know what she was on about, that it was just a normal day, but that compliment made me fee really fucking good.

On the drive into work, I started to question myself. I wondered why, despite the fact that I was utterly exhausted and already dreaming of bed time, that compliment had made me feel better. Then I also realised that this morning, rather than go back to bed and have an extra hour in bed, I decided to shave and wash my hair. It seemed odd.

Am I shallow? Am I vain? Why do these things make me feel better? The fact that Bean#2 had a nightmare and the only person in the world that could comfort her was me felt good, but not as good as it did rubbing a towel over smooth legs this morning.

Now it’s a long old drive into work so I had a lot of time to think this over. I came to a conclusion. I don’t wear make-up so men think I’m attractive, I don’t shave my fanny so it’s more visually appealing whilst banging and I don’t straighten my hair for others to admire it. I do all those things because they make me feel fucking human.

I have a mum bag, I have shit knees and ankles so can never wear heels, all of my clothes are covered in cereal or jam by 8:30am, I can’t remember what it was like to take a piss without the company of two little beans, so fuck it now and again I wanna spend some time on myself FOR ME.

Is it insane that instead of sleep I washed my hair? I was exhausted but one more hour wasn’t going to make any difference. That shower did.

The general perception is that us gals wear beautiful make-up, buy pretty clothes and visit the wax lady for the men folk to appreciate; but I think that couldn’t be further from the truth. I do it because I never want to lose myself. How can I be the best mum I possibly can if the whole time I feel awful about myself ?

But hey, maybe I am just shallow and this is all bull shit. Maybe things like shiny hair and plucked eyebrows shouldn’t change my outlook for the day. But they do. So fuck it.

Hi everyone my name is Charlotte and I am shallow, but I also have awesome fucking hair (some times).