Do you know what people don’t tell you about toddlers? That they’re stubborn. Okay maybe they do tell you that, but they should tell you more often and they should say it louder.

Side note – they should also tell you more about the mucus plug. I was not aware and it scared the shit out of me. Literally, I was on the loo when it came out.

Anyway… Before I was a parent I had these glorious ideas of how I would feed my children. They would eat three set meals a day, all of which would be homemade and full of goodness.

I’d probably make these balanced meals in-between knitting their cardigans, growing my own organic vegetables, cleaning my house, being promoted at work and giving the husband sufficient blow jobs.

These plans were a waste of my energy. The beans won’t eat.  They’re like me in pretty much every single way except this. I eat my lunch whilst thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner. I’m pretty obsessed to be fair.

I don’t want to pass my obsessions on to the beans. There is so much pressure for us to have a certain figure and look a particular way; I don’t want to encourage that. I want them to be healthy and happy.

Despite appearances, I eat a fairly balanced diet. I’d like to pretend it’s because I want to be healthy but it’s actually because I’d love to look down at my body and see my fanny rather than a significant gut.

I guess if I don’t want the beans to have the same obsession as me I should try and stop being obsessed. Easier said then done though. I hate it when they don’t eat; it makes me sad and worried. They were so tiny when they were born, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that and relax about their eating.

Equally, I don’t want them being paranoid about their appearance. They’re beautiful and utterly perfect in everyway; I hope they can see that.

My aim is to teach them that beauty isn’t all about looks and weight, that food is there to be enjoyed and to keep you healthy and to treat others with kindness and not to judge them on their dress size or hair colour.

When I was pregnant I had all these plans about how I would feed my children and it’s not worked out. What if these plans I’m making when they’re toddlers don’t work out?

Protecting the beans from the judgy ways of society isn’t a realistic plan and neither is hoping that they won’t have body hang ups. I’ll do the best job I can; it’s what I’ve done so far. They may have more bags of cheesy puffs than I had hoped they ever would, but they also say thank you, give kisses and hugs, say sorry to each other and share their toys.

I know in my heart that they’ll be okay in life, mainly because I’ll fuck up anyone that causes them pain.