I don’t feel guilty for wanting to go to work and that makes me feel guilty. I know, right?! It’s fucked up.
I really enjoy my job, I enjoy who I work with and the challenges it brings me. Work is like my constant, you know? I only really realised that they other day. Everything else in my life is so chaotic and unorganised but it shouldn’t be, I should be in control of it. But work, I know that is gonna be crazy. I know that I never know what the day is going to be like or what is going to kick off.
It keeps me sane and grounded. I love being a mum and I truly do think that it is what I’m supposed to be. They’re my complete world and all day long I look forward to their little cuddles and kisses. But when I’m in the office I feel as though I’m an individual. Obviously I’m a member of a team, but I’m just me within that team. I’m not expected to be anything else.
Being a working mum I do think that I’m being a role model. I’m setting a standard for the beans and I’m showing them that you can be independent and stand on your own two feet. In no way am I saying that mums who don’t work are inferior, they are definitely not. That’s a fucking job in itself, it just isn’t for me.
Once, a woman at nursery made me feel pretty ashamed for working. She mentioned that she’d noticed the beans were always one of the first in and the last to leave on the days they’re in. She asked if I struggled with working and being a mum. She wanted to know if I felt that working four days a week was what was really best for the beans.
I puffed out my chest and stood my ground and then cried on the short drive home whilst the beans sang in the back.
Why do some women do that? Why compete and make people feel bad about their life choices? It makes no sense to me. I know it sounds all ‘airy fairy’ but why can’t we just support each other. Being a parent is hard and you need to catch your break when you can. Who are we to judge what that break is?
My job keeps me sane, occasionally it drives me utterly nuts and I want to pick up my bag and storm out but if I’m honest, that’s why I do it.
I’m no workaholic and I’m not a career woman who wants to take over the world, but I don’t dread Tuesdays. In fact by Monday night, I’m kinda looking forward to it. Equally on a Thursday night I’m looking forward to when the three day weekend can start on Friday night. It’s about balance for me.
Working makes me a better mum and being a better mum makes me a better person. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.