I’m a confident person. I like meeting new people and defo don’t mind being centre of attention. I may get nervous about big presentations but I’m totally able to do them. There is always room for improvement, but I think I’m good at my job and I’m doing the best I possibly can with the beans.

But, I won’t get naked. Never have. Does this one small fact mean that I’m not a confident person?

If things are getting heated and I know a bang is on the cards, I’ll take most things off. Just not my vest. The husband totally gets it, to be honest it has never seemed to bother him – and it certainly doesn’t bother me. But so many people in my life think it’s “sad”.

In the past I’ve been able to ignore their opinions and genuinely disagree with them, but now that is starting to change.

Bean#2 absolutely loves being naked.  Many a morning I walk in to their bedroom and there she is, standing proud with a massive smile on her face, as naked as the day she was born. I don’t want her to ever (ever ever) lose that pride in her body.  She should be proud; they both should be proud.

When do you lose that and why do you lose that? I’ve always kept my vest on during sex, I’ve never stood naked in front of anyone and I’ve always hung a towel over the bathroom mirror so I can’t see my reflection, even when I was a child…BUT that’s because I don’t like it. I think it is anyway.

I don’t like my body so why should I show it off to others because they want to see it. It makes me uncomfortable, having no clothes on makes me feel ‘unconfident’. So why should I?

It’s not that I don’t care what others think, I massively do (yes, I know that is shallow as fuck but I’m over it) but I feel so confident that I know what others would think if they saw me in my birthday suit that I don’t see the point in confirming it for their benefit. Equally, if I have to go to the pub and meet new people, I feel confident that I’ll get on with them and be able to crack a laugh with the majority.

Why is it that not wanting to be naked or wearing dark colours is seen as having no confidence?

Isn’t it hypocritical to say I’m not confident just because I don’t like my body? I like everything else; can’t that trump what I think of my appearance?

By putting so much value in what I think about my appearance and my body, doesn’t that mean that the fact I value my personality, intelligence and self worth isn’t enough? If I thought I was an utter prick but that I looked amazing naked would I be bursting with confidence?

I don’t have a massive issue with not being sexy. In a way that gives me confidence because it means I can talk to men without thinking that they wanna sleep with me and I can talk to women without wanting to compete with them.  I’m honestly okay with not being sexy because I know that I’m a bunch of other good things, I mean lets be honest…I’m fucking hilarious so that has to count for something?!

Ultimately, though the beans have seen me naked many a time. But as they’re getting older I’m starting to worry about what they think of the towel over the bathroom mirror. The thought of not putting it up gives me ultimate edge, but the thought of the beans needing to put it up makes my heart hurt. So, I’ve gotta get over it and get my kit off. ARGH!!!