I’m a fairly open book. If you want to know something about me, I’ll usually tell you, but there are a few things I keep to myself. I can’t really explain why that is, it’s not shame or embarrassment, it’s not pride or fear of ridicule. I guess it’s just because it’s what we do. I’ll take an eye role when I drop the ‘c-bomb’ or the tut when I talk about sex and fanny’s. But this #MeToo stuff, it’s kinda hit a nerve.
I know I’m not gonna share the story that I guess I should – not that a hashtag should guilt you in to sharing personal shit. I just don’t wanna share it. I don’t want to risk being viewed differently, treated sensitively or (and this is pretty shameful) viewed as an attention seeker.
I like how I’m treated generally. I like that both male and female friends talk about my massive fanny (even though the beans came out the sunroof) and that I’m aware of my size 16 shape, saggy tits and disgusting use of language. I don’t want to risk that by over sharing. Maybe if people thought that once, one time, I was in a vulnerable situation, then it’s likely they’ll treat me as if I’m always vulnerable. Which kinda makes me lol cos I’m a double hard bastard.
So when I speak out about the #MeToo hashtag, I’m gonna share a story of when I was a young teenage. I’m not ashamed of it, so many women have shared shit and it’s super inspiring. I want to set the same example to the beans. They should never just accept being treated badly. Ever. The world is changing and I’m confident they’ll have different battles to fight, but if some spotty little twat ever did to them what he did to me, I’d rip is fucking balls off and shove them in his ears (do you know whats bad? Even though I know the story I’m about to share s unacceptable and disgusting, I still wanted to write ‘only’. If some spotty little twat ONLY did to them. Not only, there is no fucking only. Shit, I’m gonna make that my headline).
Anyway. I was at my step-dads house. Him, my mum and my biggest sister had been out clothes shopping. Mum bought me a pair of wedged sandals, a floor length floaty skirt (okay. Another lie. It was knee length. I guess I thought by making in knee length, some may think ‘what the fuck is 13 year old girl doing wearing a knee length skirt – well you never met me at 13. I was a sassy little fuck. A real ‘force of nature’ as my Nan would say). Annnnnnyway. I digress.
When I got home I wanted to take this ‘new look’ out for a spin. My step-dad’s house backed on to some lanes. It was only about 3pm in the middle of summer so my mum let me take a stroll around the lanes on my own. As I was walking, some little prick walked towards me, grabbed me by the throat and pushed me up against the wall. He put his weedy little hand up my skirt – I can’t remember if he got anywhere – but I pushed the little fucker off and he ran away.
That’s not the worst bit. The worst bit is that at 13 years old, I didn’t think that was a big deal. I didn’t cry or tell my mum, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone. Not because I’m ashamed, but because I never really rated it as a bad incident. I guess…I just accepted it.
I still do that now. If I’m on a night out and I’m touched in anyway, I’ll bitch about it to my friends when I get back to the table, but I won’t actually do anything about it. Repeat ‘asbo’ drinkers get kicked out of clubs and banned from the city centre, but what about these smarmy pricks who grab your arm, your arse or grind on you when you’re busting some serious shapes on the dance floor? Why are they still always out? I’ll tell you why, cos we do fuck all about it. Actually fuck all. Why? We think it’s okay – we must! If we think it’s okay, then why shouldn’t they think it’s okay?
My beans are so fiery already, I know they’ll handle their own, but that doesn’t make it okay. Just because they’re tough and full of fire, doesn’t mean they should just let it bounce off their thick skin. If they did do something about it, no matter how ‘small’ the incident, it doesn’t make them a ‘pussy’ or a ‘drama queen’ and it sure as shit doesn’t matter what they’ve got on.
I can feel myself getting a bit ragey as I write this, cos I can almost hear the eye rolls from some people and it’s almost making me not wanna post this.
I don’t hate men. I kinda love the little shit bags. I know a lot of them go through harassment and assaults too, but the point of this hashtag, I feel, is to highlight just how often and how many women/girls experience it. It could range from a kiss on your cheek in a business meeting, an arm around your waist when you’re at the bar, an arse slap as you walk past them, a kiss that you didn’t want but couldn’t get your way out of, a comment about something you’re wearing or how you look, sexual assault or rape. None are acceptable and none should start with the word ‘only’.