So you’ve all heard of the term ‘hangxiety’, right? If not, it basically means when you do something you’re ashamed of whilst drunk and then get flash backs the next day – anxiety but whilst hung over.
I’ve spent a lot of my weekend feeling this way and instead of curling into a ball of shame, I’m gonna tell you lovely lot. That way, you can tell me what you think about it.
On Friday night it was someone’s leaving do so me and a pal went out for a couple. We got squiffy. It was a hectic as fuck day at work so neither of us had really gotten a chance to eat, and we then drank our wine like the prohibition was gonna start the next day. We kinda love each other too, so ended up encouraging each other to get super squiffy in the short time we had out (mum duties and all that).
As you probably know, I share a lot of personal shit. So I did that a lot on Friday night. With people I work with…so kinda awkward. But that isn’t what is making me cringe and curl into a ball all weekend. Nope, I turned into that angry drunk. Only for like five minutes, but it wasn’t pretty.
Now granted, where we were all stood was right in the middle of a path; but by all I mean both men and women. This lad had to walk past me to go to the lavs. He put his hands around my waist (from behind) and physically moved me whilst saying “excuse me love”. At this point, all I said was: “It’s okay, but don’t fucking touch me. You don’t need to put your hands on me. I’ll happily move.” About five minutes late, his mate wanted the loo. He came up to me and whispered in my ear, from behind: “I’m not gonna touch you. But can you move?” Okay, I lost my shit.
Maybe it was his tone, maybe I was embarrassed, I don’t know. But I went a little bit fucking wild. My friend, because she is a legend, totally backed me up. She had no idea what was said or done, but hadn’t ever seen me be angry drunk before so instantly stood behind me.
The bar staff came over, told me to calm down and stop being aggressive to this man. My mate chirped in and calmed the situation with the staff – I was too livid. Why were they calling me aggressive? Firstly his mate fucking touched me and then he comes over all passive aggressive and condescending. As far as I’m concerned, you should kick them out!!! Which my friend explained to the staff, just a tad calmer. All was good and we didn’t get to asked to leave, or anything similar.
The evening went on for a little while longer (I wasn’t out long cos you know, I’ve got parenting shit to do), and I’m pretty sure people moved on…although one woman out generally hates me and everything I represent so I’m sure she’ll enjoy my angry humiliation.
As the weekend has progressed and I’ve wallowed in my shame, I have also had a few moments of anger again. Did I misbehave and act like a drunk mess, or did I stand up for myself? That is my actual question? Did I overreact? Was the first guy just actually unaware that touching a woman as you walk passed is generally not a nice thing to do? Was the guy who, in my opinion, tried to wind me the fuck up, just squiffy on a rare night out without his wife and kids?
I don’t know. Either way I’m embarrassed and dreading work (though I don’t see these people often). The people I was with just seemed okay with it. Went on to buy more drinks and crack a laugh. That’s the thing with hangxiety, most people have it and it’s generally a self-involved emotion. You only remember your own humiliation and not that of other peoples.
I guess I just wanna know if I was a prick or not. Did I overreact? Is it just how the two sexes generally live alongside each other? Maybe I’ve just gotten too high on my feminist high horse? I don’t know…
I’ll get over the whole thing and forget the embarrassment and shame. I’m just a tad concerned it happened in the first place cos it’s not who I am. Probably overacting. I do have a habit of doing that. Peace out.