This time three years ago my beans were two days old and I hadn’t yet been able to have a cuddle with them. The first three days of life for premature babies are the most important. If you can get through them without a brain bleed or an infection the future is that little more promising.
We didn’t get through those three days as smoothly as we would have hoped, but the long and short of it is that the beans are utterly perfect.
Last night the beans should have gone to bed at seven, as always, but they went at eight. The three of us were on the sofa and they just wanted to snuggle into me. They didn’t want to play or chat, they just wanted to lay on me – the whole length of my body – and watch The Gruffalo.
So we did.
The memories of not being able to hold my beans will never leave me. I watched someone else change their nappies and give them their milk through a tube in their belly button. They couldn’t be washed for weeks and were separated by their incubators. The whole situation felt fucked up. It was fucked up.
Now, they come bounding in my room most mornings and crawl into bed with me for a snuggle under the ‘tuck tuck’. I walk in the door from work and they come running towards me and buddle me to the ground. We’ve got some lost time to make up for so we’re gonna cuddle the shit out of each other at every given opportunity.
Life is short and unpredictable. It can be shitty and cruel and make you feel as though you’re drowning under a never ending wave of failure and pressure. So my advice to you is simple; if your kids, mum, dad, partner, sibling, friend of even your fucking boss wanna give you a cuddle – take it. Everything else can wait whilst you enjoy that moment of security, love and just general fucking awesomeness.