I’ve been a mum for three years now – well I guess longer as I was a mum the minute I knew the little beans were in my tummy – but I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing every single day.

I know we all say we’re winging it, but I really am winging it. I never know if the decision I make is the right one.

Example one:  Last night they wanted to cuddle in my bed with me, they weren’t ready to go to their own beds. Now as my previous blog post explains, I love a cuddle, but I don’t want to start a bad habit so I put them in their own bed; much to their heartbreak.

Was that right? We all wanted cuddles so should we have just had them? Would it have caused any long term harm? But then if I start breaking rules how can I expect them to respect them on other days? Will it just make their little heads all in a muddle?

Example two: At least one day a week we don’t leave the house. We chill all day in our PJs watching a lot of telly, eating shit and generally mincing about. I tell myself they’re just as exhausted as I am and need the sleep and rest too. Is that true or am I kidding myself? Am I being selfish? Does it really matter?

Example three: When they were tiny little beans and easy to control we used to bath them everyday. That does not happen anymore. The minute they get in the bath they start to scream, I’m not talking about a cute little protest, they full on lose their shit. After a long day at work, I can’t be arsed to go through it. So I don’t.

I could even say that they’re bathed every other day. But they’re not. I wouldn’t leave it longer than two days, but that’s still pretty bad. Right?

Example four: TV. Too much fucking TV. Everyday I sit them in front of Ben and Holly or some mindless shit so I can get on with stuff. It’s not because I don’t want them around me, I love having their little hands grab at my legs. But it takes me three times as long.

What are they learning from the telly? Fuck all, that’s what. It might make life easier, but does that make it okay? I dunno?!

Example five: I currently work four days a week but am thinking of going up to five days when the beans are old enough for funded nursery hours. Essentially, we’ll be loaded! We’ll be saving almost £600 on nursery bills and I’ll be earning an extra days pay…but I won’t be home as much.

What do you do? Seriously. What the actual fuck should I do? I wing everything but this seems like such a big decision to just wing. They’ll be in school before I know it and then I won’t have the option to be with their little grubby faces on a Monday. BUT the extra money will  mean I can do more with them when I’m not at work.

ARGH!!! When does this shit get easier?