All anyone actually wants is to be loved and feel safe. Well that’s my opinion anyway. The beans feel confident because they know I’ve got their back, they know that no matter what I will always be there to pull them close to me and snuggle.

They need to know I’m there; it’s what pushes them to get out of their comfort zone. Think of when a baby takes its first steps, someone who loves them is always in front of them; ready to catch. Why would that need for security and love go away just because we grow up?

Think about it, if you want to apply for a job that you think is out of your league and everyone else agrees, you’re probably not gonna send in your CV. Buuuut, if everyone tells you that you have a shot and makes it clear they’ll support you no matter the outcome, you’re gonna be all over that covering letter.

Both beans have settled into our new little home in the middle of the forest. In fact I was a bit surprised at how quickly they called it home. But maybe that’s because actually, I’m their home. They feel loved and safe, so they don’t give a fuck where they live.

It occurred to me the other night that I crave the feeling of love and security so so so much. I was chatting shit with my big brother whilst sharing a bottle of £6 wine, I ended up blurting a bit of a secret to him.

Obvs it wasn’t a biggy and nothing at all juicy, but I was not prepared for his reaction. He felt as though someone had hurt me (despite the fact that I don’t feel that way) and he was fucking livid. My brother is super chilled and generally laid back; I have never seen him so angry.

He gave me the biggest cuddle and kissed my head. He told me that he loved me and that he would do anything to protect me. Now as much as I feel shit for causing him pain when it honestly isn’t something I feel upset or angry about, the sense of love and security I felt from his reaction is still with me now.

I’m feeling pretty lonely at the moment, the forest can be isolating when you work 30 hours a week and have two three year old beans to look after and love, but my big brother reminded me that I still have a support network – albeit 120 miles away.

His reaction was genuine; it was how he truly felt. He loves me and needs me to be safe so the thought of someone hurting me caused him pain. A normally very pale man, turned red with anger. I fucking loved it.

I guess that the point of this post is to remember that it isn’t a weakness or a bad thing to need to feel loved or safe. It’s human fucking nature. I always knew my big bro had my back – just like my big sister does – but that little reminder has given me that extra bit of strength that I had been lacking.

I know I’m fucking bossing motherhood because my beans know that I love them with all of me and that I would destroy anyone or anything that ever jeopardised their safety.  It just took a cheap bottle of wine and a goss with the big brother to remind me.