Today the beans went to nursery for the first time on a Monday. I’ve always had Monday’s off and spent the day with them either being lazy or doing something to make them wanna go home and be lazy.

When they were at nursery (9-1) I wanted to do something productive so I didn’t feel guilty for not earning money or parenting – I kinda feel like I should always be doing one of those things.

Anyway after cleaning the house, washing and cooking for four hours I am utterly fucked. I’m that type of exhausted when you feel like your eyes have sunk into your face and your skin is about to fall off.

When Bean#2 wouldn’t get in her car seat outside nursery and then a bastard wasp flew into my fringe, I had a fucking meltdown. Got in the car put on my sunglasses so the beans couldn’t see my eyes and cried the whole 10 minutes home.

Im starting to crumble under the pressure I’m putting myself under and that’s just fucking stupid!!!

What’s my problem? The beans are happy, filthy and content which is just what I want after nursery. We’re now chilling in front of the telly and all feeling a tad snoozy.

I do let them watch too much telly, I also let them eat more than 200 calories of snacks a day. But I love them with every inch of me and I tell them that every day. I cuddle them and sing with them, I read to them and count their toes, they get tucked into a warm bed every night with lots of kisses and bed time songs, they know to say sorry when they’re unkind, they say please before they ask for a packet of crisps and they’re happy to share anything with anyone…so I figure I can’t be doing that bad.