If you’re lucky enough to have never suffered with mental health issues then you may attach the cliché stigma of “man up” or “pull yourself together” to it, but deep down we all know it’s not that easy.
My mental health has been fucked for many a year now, and I’ve made no secret of that. As today marks #worldmentalhealthday day I thought I’d do a super quick post (cos I’m sleepy af and drank some wine (I should state I am writing this on the night before world mental health day)).
Writing about sadness won’t be easy for me today because I’m feeling pretty happy at the moment (you know who you are), but I do still have that devil on my shoulder that has been there for as long as I can remember. That little voice telling me that I’m not good enough, that voice can sometimes be so overwhelming loud that nothing else can get through. All I can hear and see is my failure.
Friends and loved ones can reassure you until they’re blue in the face, but until a person is aware of their self worth that voice in their head will always be louder.
Not too long ago, in fact scarily only a few months ago I found myself googling some really dark shit, I was so so sad and so so lonely. That voice had got really loud I couldn’t focus, I truly felt as though it was 100 per cent right. I felt that the beans, my family, my friends and my employer would be happier if I was no longer in their life. No longer alive.
I’m not sharing this depressing shit because I want sympathy and to be honest I’m ashamed as fuck that it got as far as me googling methods (honestly, I’m really ashamed of myself and I’m sorry to anyone this upsets). I’m sharing it because I think people need to know that your ‘average Jo’ who just has normal life shit to deal with can still get themselves into that darkness.
If you’re finding yourself in this place and you’re feeling hopeless or worthless, please please talk to someone. There is no shame in it, it’s not weakness or failure it’s just human fucking nature. I’m not gonna be patronising and tell you that you’re awesome or amazing, because truth be told, you might not be.
That was one of my issues, the voice was so easy to listen too because so much of what it was saying is kinda true, I am a bit of a cunt. But I know I’m other things too, and I owe it to the beans and to my family to stick it out and ride the dark wave when it hits, but just try to do that with strength.
What I will say is that you’re stronger than you think you are. You’re here, you’ve made yourself a hot drink and you may have even had a shower. Don’t give up, please don’t give up. Talk to someone, it’s okay to talk.
The Samaritans number: 116 123
The Samaritans email: firstname.lastname@example.org
The Samaritans website: https://www.samaritans.org/