Ever heard that expression “practice what you preach”? I think there are a lot of us mums who don’t do that. I’m sure there are a lot of people without kids who don’t do it either, but this post is gonna focus on mums.
I am forever telling people to be kind to themselves, to focus on their own wellbeing and that they need to cut themselves some slack; but when it comes to myself I’m my harshest critic. I know I’m not alone in this, we’re all so hard on ourselves and I wanna know why.
Mums are always being told they can have it all, but to be honest I don’t think this is true. Fuck, I don’t think it’s true for anyone. You can’t achieve everything at 100 per cent, something has to give. That’s okay though, right? Why do we have to achieve it all?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m ambitious in my own way. I’m not content with sitting still in my career and I defo wanna be a better mum and friend, but I appreciate it can’t all happen straight away. It’s gonna take me time.
I took a step backwards last week and asked my boss to reduce my hours. I’ve gone from 37 a week to 30 a week. Basically I don’t work Monday’s.
I can’t tell you the level of failure I felt asking that, it made me feel sick (dramatic, obvs). I wanted to be that superhero who worked full time and was an amazing mum. Whilst also maintaining a clean house, a stocked fridge, a gym membership, friendships and daughterly duties. Fact is, I couldn’t.
The washing was out of control, I couldn’t remember the last time I did a big shop, the beds hadn’t been changed in fucking ages, my body hair was out of control, the gym probably think I’ve died and being honest I missed the shit out of the beans.
Something had to give but I beat myself up over it. I haven’t really told anyone either because I feel like I failed.
If it was just the big things I beat myself up over I think I could understand it, but I just had to justify getting my hair cut to myself. Now granted, it’s gonna cost me forty bucks and I currently have no bread or wine, but why do I feel so guilty for getting a haircut? I haven’t had one in about a year!
It’s been a tough week to be honest and I’m feeling pretty shitty and mega (mega) grotty. Like, I’m disgustingly dirty right now – part of the reason I want a haircut is so my hair gets washed!
Granted, sitting in front of a mirror under such harsh lighting is not fun at the end of a long week but a haircut will make me feel so much better. It’s not for anyone else. I’m not doing anything this weekend and I’m not banging anyone. It’s for me, I want that haircut for me, but I can’t get rid of the guilty feeling. That’s fucked up, right?
If my bestie felt shit and had had a bad week and all she needed was a haircut I’d give her the £40 and drive her to the salon so she could have a glass of fizz as they did it. My besties are such hero’s they deserve to kick back for a 45 minute haircut; but much like many of us I can’t apply that same theory to myself. That money and that time could be spent more wisely.
When are we gonna learn to practice what we preach? When are we gonna be kinder to ourselves? This constant guilt and negativity isn’t going to lead to a healthy outcome, it’s gonna end badly.
So my advice to all you mums out there, be you single, in a relationship, employed, unemployed, skint or rich is to kick the fuck back this weekend. Look yourself in the mirror and give yourself that advice you’d give your friend. You’re important, you matter and you’re doing brilliantly. You deserve your slice of happiness this weekend; so take it.
I’m off to get my hair cut.
(I did it)