I’m not one of those mums who are gonna be ‘best friends’ with their kids. I’m their mum I can’t be their bestie, the responsibilities would get blurry. However I do want to be one of their role models. I want them to look up to me and be proud that I’m their mum.

I remind myself of this when I make most decisions. For example there was a time I was thinking of quitting work because, being honest, I’d get more money from the government and I’d have a lot less stresses in my life, but then I thought of the beans. Being a stay at home mum because your partner can support you is different to being a stay at home mum by choice and the state supporting you. I wouldn’t feel proud, I wouldn’t feel as though I was setting the best example.

There are many times in my life I’m being a shitty role model. I body shame myself a lot and though I don’t do in front of the beans, it would break my heart to think of them judging themselves in the same way I judge myself. I stand in the mirror and push in my fat, hold up my tits, pull at my skin; I’m not physically kind to myself, yet alone mentally.

We need to break the cycle, we need our children to grow up feeling proud, empowered and fierce. They need to love themselves and be kind to themselves. To make this happen, we need to set an example. We need to wear that bikini, walk around the house naked, leave the house with no make-up and complement each other.

The women on Love Island get a LOT of hate from the public. Okay, I agree the programme is shallow as fuck and the people on it are not your ‘average Joe’ but fuck me those women don’t take any shit. They know their worth, they own their sass and if they didn’t feel like their man in the villa was treating them how they deserved to be treated, then they fucked them off. No questions asked. It was a simple equation to them, you’re not making me happy and I deserve to be happy, so I’m gonna walk away.

I think all the women in my life could learn a little from the women on Love Island. They are queens and that is how they should be treated. We should treat all the people in our lives with the love and respect they deserve, that way we’re more likely to treat ourselves like that.

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I want my kids seeing me respect myself and respect other people. I’m not gonna suck you off just because you bought me flowers, you should buy me flowers. I deserve flowers (btw that’s an example, aint no man buying me flowers). If I have that belief in myself, if I have that self-worth then I’m showing my kids they can get it from within, they don’t need it from others.

Just as a side note – I know this contradicts my last post about craving validation, and don’t get me wrong I am still an incredibly needy fuck, I’m probably getting more needy to be honest, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s okay. I don’t want my kids to feel how I feel. It’s fucking horrible wanting to be loved so badly and knowing that no one loves me; I wish so badly I could get that love and validation from myself.