If you have read any of my posts I think you’ll know that I am feminist and you’ll know that in my opinion all this really means is that men and women should be equal. Sadly, whether you like to admit it or not, we’re not. I know right, such a girl thing to say.
Men are not judged on what they wear, they’re not touched in a bar for absolutely no reason whatsoever and they’re not blamed for being a victim because they were “too drunk” or acting “provocatively”. I know right, such a girl thing to say.
(Don’t switch off, this isn’t a pity post. Promise.)
We’re not equal, but fuck me, we’re awesome. It is great being a woman and I reeeeeeeeally love raising girls. Though, I do wish we would start empowering each other instead of body and slut shaming each other. Boys do have that on us. They do build each other up rather than push each other down. Well, generally.
Despite being annoyed that I feel a huge amount of pressure to look and dress a certain way, I fucking LOVE make-up and clothes. I had a mini melt down last week (sleep deprivation and general life) so I went…shopping! I know right? Such a girl thing to do.
Usually I hate shopping because it makes me feel fat, ugly and fat again. I don’t like it if I don’t fit into a size 14 and I get frustrated that everything highlights my wide and chubby hips, my…ummm…wobbly stomach or my untoned arms. But on Friday….I felt good.
I’m not sure what it was, the dress I bought was a size 16, the skirt was a 14 but being honest it’s a tad snug and because of my less than ample boobs the top was a 12. So it wasn’t the sizing that made me feel good. All purchases were on a credit card, so it defo wasn’t that that made me feel good, so what was it??
I’m gonna say it. Get ready. I felt attractive! I know, right? Why does the thought of being attractive make me feel good? Such a girl thing to ask!
But fuck it, right? If we’re gonna get judged on our clothes, judged on our body shape, judged for how we present ourselves; then why the fuck shouldn’t we take joy out the fact that we know when we look good?
But you know what, I don’t think that this feeling is unique to women. I felt good because I thought I looked good and I had treated myself. That isn’t gender specific, that’s just human!
I dunno what it is lately, I’m just starting to feel so much more comfortable in my own skin and who I am. I’m appreciating what makes me feel good and indulging in that, even if it is “typical” or “shallow”.
Don’t we all deserve that?
The beans are watching the new Aladdin film a lot at the moment and there is this bit in the film when the genie says “treat your woman like a queen, that’s what I always say”. It got me thinking…hell yeah treat me like a fucking queen because I am a queen! We’re all queens in our own way, we just need to know how to own that shit.
Now here comes the cliché, if I’m not treating myself like a queen, why would anyone else? As I started to think about this, for the first time in a long time I realised that I don’t want anyone else to treat me like a queen. I don’t want to get stuck in a single rut because I still want to be loved by someone and love someone back, but at the moment for the first time in a shit load of time, I’m gonna take it as it comes and put myself first. I know right, such a girl thing to say.
Normally I hate spending time on my own because I annoy the shit out of myself, but lately I’m kinda enjoying it. I’m watching Netflix, taking long bubble baths, reading books, trying out different make-up looks, putting on clothes I’ve not worn in ages. It makes me feel better than a man has made me feel in ages. I know right, such a girl thing to say.
Like I said, I’m still on the dating apps and putting myself out there, but what I’m looking for in a relationship is so niche it’s unlikely I’m gonna find anyone for a long while and finally I’m okay with that.
I’m never gonna not want sex and I’m never gonna not want to be big spoon. I am always going to want to make someone else feel special and to be made to feel special, but I’m getting a lot from myself and I’m content as shit with that.
In short, I’m a queen I just don’t need to wear my crown.
(Well, sometimes I wear a crown (and glitter))